Breathe Her In Read online

  “Della, this is my friend Tristan. He’s not going to hurt you,” I whisper, smoothing down her dark hair. “You’re okay. Everything is safe here. Do you want us to go back to the room while I talk with him?”

  Her head bobs up and down. She’s practically clawing at my body, so I pick her up and carry her back down to the room, rubbing firm strokes up and down her back the whole time. She heads straight for the corner where she goes to decompress, diving into the bean bag chair I have set up for her. Her body starts to rock back and forth as soon as she gets her arms wrapped around her bent knees. When I see that her breathing is getting back to normal, I step into the hallway with Tristan but keep the door open and keep my eyes trained on Della.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “What’s the deal with that kid?” he asks, tilting his head toward the classroom.

  I want to punch him in the throat, but I figure that wouldn’t go over too well. “Why are you here, Tristan?” I ignore the insensitive question he’s got no right asking. “I thought I made myself clear that we were over.”

  “You did. I was here meeting with Daniel about his upcoming fundraiser, so I thought I’d come say hello.”

  “As you can see, I’m a little busy. So, if you’ll excuse me…”

  “Are you still planning on attending his event with me?”

  I sigh, exasperated. Tristan’s used to a life of privilege. Hearing ‘no’ doesn’t come easy for him. He thinks he’s entitled to anything he wants, people included. “I told you, I’m seeing someone. I don’t think he would appreciate it if we went to a fundraiser together.”

  “It’s just a political function. It’s nothing serious.”

  “I can’t.”

  “If you change your mind, you know how to get in touch with me,” he says.

  “Goodbye, Tristan.”

  “Have a nice day, Ella.”

  After another nausea-inducing perusal of me, he takes off. Della’s back at my side, shaking her head. “I know, sweet girl, I don’t like him either.”

  After a full morning of second grade insanity, I head to the cottage for a glorious one hour lunch break. As usual, the laughter can be heard before I even get the door open. It all stops when I appear in the doorway, but starts up again when they see that it’s just me and not anyone with any authority.

  “Look who it is… Miss Two Men in One Day,” Bren calls.

  Hadley’s hands shoot up in the air. “What did I miss this morning? Damn traffic.”

  “Well, not that I was spying, but Rafe came with coffee and they disappeared in the classroom for a few minutes. Then right after he left, Tristan came down the hallway.”

  “Please,” I say, rolling my eyes, willing the color to stay off my cheeks, but it’s pointless.

  Bren makes a gagging noise. “I thought you broke it off with that douche canoe.”

  “I did. He was here for some political bullshit with Daniel.”

  “Our boss was actually here today?” Makenna says. “What a novel idea.”

  “No worries. He’s gone now. I think the only reason he came was to meet with Tristan. I went to the office at recess to talk to him about a parent, but he was already gone. Ms. Delores had no idea when he’d be back.”

  “Let’s get back to your men,” Laurel interjects. “So, we’re done with Tristan, and it’s a go with Rafe, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Don’t be too excited about it,” Bren deadpans.

  “We’re having a sleepover Saturday night.”

  “Hot damn!” Caroline whoops.

  “You’re not the one sleeping with him… calm down,” Bren teases.

  “I know, but I can’t wait to hear all about it. We might need to go have drinks Monday.”

  “I don’t know if we can wait until Monday. After you do the deed, tell him you have to go run an errand. We need a call- maybe even FaceTime.”

  “I’m not sleeping with him.”

  “What?!” This comes from four mouths simultaneously.

  “I can’t yet,” I whisper.

  A veil of seriousness falls over the room. Laurel lays her hand on top of mine. “What’s wrong, Eleanor?”

  I look around the table at my friends. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I tell them what’s been gnawing away at me since Rafe reappeared. “I don’t know if he’ll want me after he finds out the truth.”

  My friends look confused, as they well should. I haven’t breathed a word about my past to anyone. “What truth? What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about what happened after he left. I can’t be with Rafe until he knows what happened. Gigi and my parents are the only people who know about it.” The tears are already flowing down my face. A few slip past my lips as I talk, the saltiness a grave reminder of the months after my tragedy when tears were a constant part of my life.

  “You can trust us.”

  “I know.”

  I close my eyes as tight as I can manage and let the story pour out of me. My eyes stay shut while I reveal every disturbing, devastating detail of what happened in the aftermath of Rafe’s abrupt departure. I can hear the sobs and the sharp intakes of breath. I feel the strong sets of arms wrapping me in love.

  When the last words are long gone from my mouth, I slowly open my eyes and look at my friends, taking them in one at a time. Their beautiful faces are masked with shock, grief, sorrow, and hurt.

  If they look like this, if they are this upset about what happened, I can only imagine what hearing about it will do to Rafe.

  13. Rafe

  Della is all settled at Finn and Maggie’s, surrounded by junk food, movies, and enough art supplies to keep her occupied for weeks instead of just one night. Anticipation is buzzing as I pull up in Eleanor’s driveway. I didn’t get to see her yesterday- Claire wanted to drop my sister off at school and pick her up. It puts her on edge when she doesn’t get Della time.

  Through all the art I worked on today, my mind was on the past. I know Eleanor and I have to talk about what happened, but I’m genuinely scared of her reaction. It will gut me if she decides she can’t be with me. I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life. Now that I’ve found her again, losing her isn’t something I’m prepared to deal with.

  She appears at the side of my door, pulling me from my thoughts. I take her in from head to toe, drinking in every drop of her beauty. She’s absolutely stunning- always has been. Eleanor is simple perfection.

  “Hey,” she smiles when I open the door.

  I yank her into my body and hug her tight, breathing her in, drawing from her strength. “Hey,” I murmur into the crown of her head.

  She pulls back, a strange look on her face. “So, slight change of plans.” She’s nibbling on that full bottom lip as soon as the words are out.

  I tug her lip free and soothe it with my thumb. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

  “When Gigi got wind of the fact that you were coming over, she insisted that we head over to the big house for dinner.”

  “Wow.”

  “Exactly. I made her promise to be on her best behavior. She’s been dying to have a go at you since she learned you were back. I can’t put her off any longer.”

  I cock my head slightly to the side. “So she knows about me? About us?” This shocks me. Over the years, I’d assumed I was as big of a secret in Eleanor’s life as she was in mine.

  She looks down at the driveway, kicking pebbles around. “Gigi is my best friend. She knows everything.”

  “Is this gonna be brutal?”

  A small grin forms at the corners of her mouth. “Not this time. She knows we have some things to talk about, and we’d rather not do that for the first time at her dinner table with her as a witness. I gave her a list of acceptable topics, but Gigi’s not always one to listen.”

  “This is a first.”

  “What is?”

  “Dinner with the parents. Or, grandparent, I guess.”

  “Rea
lly?” Her eyes light up at the notion. She’s excited, and I’m more nervous than I expected to be.

  “Really.”

  “Well, let’s go.”

  Hand in hand, we take the path to Gigi’s. “Don’t let her fool you,” Eleanor warns. “Her body may be feeble, but she’s sharp as a tack.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  We walk in through a side door off the kitchen. As a kid who grew up in Louisiana, I’d been on my fair share of field trips to plantation homes… this place puts any of those to shame. Even though it’s outfitted with modern day touches, Gigi’s house still maintains the look and feel of an old southern estate.

  The low hum of a motorized wheel chair pulls my eyes from a massive wood burning fire place in the corner of the kitchen.

  “Eleanor, is that you and your beau?”

  Coming through the entryway is a woman who I could peg as Eleanor’s Gigi out of hundreds. She’s wearing a beautiful yellow suit, and is practically dripping with pearls. Her hair and makeup are flawless. We might as well be going to the damn opera, not having a home cooked meal at her dining room table.

  “Hi Gigi. How are you feeling today?”

  “Better, now that you and your handsome young man are joining me for dinner. Let’s go in the sitting room and enjoy a drink before our meal is served. You can make proper introductions when we get settled in.”

  What the fuck is a sitting room? I’m so out of my element, it’s not even funny. Eleanor leads the way into what I’m assuming is the sitting room, Gigi and me trailing behind. Eleanor and I take a seat and my phone starts buzzing against my thigh. Her leg tenses beside me.

  “You can get that.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It might be Della.”

  She’s right. The buzzing stops, but starts back up a few seconds later. “Excuse me for a second,” I tell Gigi. “This might be about my sister.” I’m assuming if she knows about me, she knows about Dells.

  I walk back into the kitchen. My phone has stopped and started vibrating again two more times. Shit. I pull it out my pocket and see that it’s not Finn or Maggie, but Ford. For the first time since this whole fucked up situation started, I contemplate turning off my phone and just ignoring his call. Would he hunt me down? Put an APB out on my car and come after me? Call OCS right away and take Della from me?

  I can’t risk finding out the answer. This is the absolute worst time for his call, but I step outside and call him back.

  “What do you need?” I bark out when he picks up.

  “I need you, Matthews. Your new friend has some friends of his own in town. He’s entertaining them tonight at Sinnerz. He thinks it would be a good idea if you headed out there.”

  “I can’t do that right now.”

  His sinister laugh makes me sick. “Oh, but I think you can. I need these guys. Go play nice. Make some new friends. They have some toys I want.”

  “When do I need to get over there?”

  “Now would be good.”

  “Fuck. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “These guys are bigger than you’re used to, Matthews. Do what they want. Be accommodating.”

  Resisting the urge to throw my phone against the door, I pocket it and go back inside. Gigi and Eleanor are all smiles, chatting and drinking in the sitting room that’s bigger than my entire house.

  “I’m really sorry, but I have to go.” I pull my eyes from Gigi to my girl. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, Eleanor.”

  “Is it Della?”

  Not wanting to lie, I nod my head. It all boils down to her, so in a roundabout way it really is about Della. I could lose her if I don’t go meet these assholes at the strip club on the outskirts of town. The angst on Eleanor’s face guts me, so I give her some reassurance. “She’s okay, but I need to go see about some things. I’ll be back.” I turn back to Gigi. “Thank you for the dinner invitation. We’ll have to try this again another time.”

  “Yes. Maybe next time Della can come with you.”

  “I’d like that.”

  I give Eleanor a quick kiss on the forehead and haul ass across town to Sinnerz. The sooner I can get there, the sooner I can get back to my girl. When I pull into the parking lot, a text comes through from Ford, telling me to ask for Vega. The bouncer checks my ID and collects my cover. When I give him Vega’s name, he leads me through the main room of the club and back towards the VIP section, which consists of a long corridor with several doors on each side. This place makes my skin crawl. It reeks of watered down liquor, desperation, and cheap snatch.

  With a few sharp raps of his knuckles on the door, a huge man appears on the other side and looks me up and down. When it becomes clear that he’s not gonna say anything, I decide he’s waiting on me.

  “I’m Rafe. I’m looking for Vega.” As soon as I say it, Carlos, my contact, appears behind the mountain of a man. The giant sticks out his paw, muttering something about emptying my pockets. He takes my phone and wallet, but lets me keep my cigarettes. After a very intimate pat-down, he steps to the side so I can come in.

  The room is dark and shrouded in a haze of smoke, but not to the point that I can’t see the private show happening on the small stage set up in the corner. I walk over to the table where various bottles of booze, a scattering of pills, and a few bongs and one-hitters are sitting. My eyes do a quick scan of the guests. Carlos is there, along with one of his buddies that I’ve seen before but never met. The mountain is directly behind a guy dressed in a suit and decked out in gold jewelry. I’m assuming this is Vega. He’s got a beefed-up man on either side of him.

  “Rafe, have a seat. Pour yourself a drink or get a party favor. I’m Vega. Welcome,” he tells me, sweeping his ring clad hand across the table. “Carlos was telling me all about you.”

  I put myself in the chair directly across from him and swipe a beer off the surface. I don’t want to drink out of anything that’s been opened.

  “I’ve been very pleased with what you’ve been providing my friend,” he continues. “Now, let’s talk about what I can do for you.”

  He’s not wasting any time. I nod, sipping my beer. I’ve yet to open my mouth.

  “You see, Rafe, I’ve sampled some of the goods here. Some stuff is premium, but your powder is shit. Mine, however, is top notch. I think that your customers would be much happier if they had what I’m offering.”

  “Fair enough.” He could be talking out of his ass, for all I know. I don’t touch any of the shit I push for Ford. I’ve seen firsthand how it can ruin your life. I refuse to turn into my mother.

  “What do you think about getting on board with me?”

  “That could work.”

  “People around here like you. They trust you.”

  I nod in response.

  “You’ve been at this since you were a kid,” he continues. He’s obviously done his homework. “But here’s what worries me, Rafe. Your PO’s been sniffin’ around, askin’ some questions. Some people think you might be feedin’ him info. You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

  I can feel my entire body go tense with his implications. The information’s right, but the person he thinks I’m informing for is wrong. I can’t let this blow back on Doug.

  “I’m not a fuckin’ rat,” I answer.

  “Settle down. It’s just a question.”

  “It’s cool.” I will myself to sink back into the chair and relax. This is not an easy feat, but I take a few swigs from my beer and try to look unaffected by the scene I’m immersed in.

  He reaches in his pocket. At first I think he’s pulling out a lighter, but he twirls it between his fingers a few times, tapping it on the table, and I recognize it as a snuff bullet. “Pure as the driven snow,” he murmurs, pushing the button, releasing a measured bump of powder. “Try it out.”

  “I’m good, man,” I tell him.

  He sits up, the relaxed vibe completely gone. He’s gone from harmless to scary in a second. “No, Rafe, really. In
fact, I insist. I will be highly insulted if you turn down my generosity.” The huge men flanking either side of him move in closer.

  Fuck. I know better. If this guy has any doubts about me, this shit could go south in an instant. Taking the bullet from him, I hold it up to my nose and sniff, squeezing my eyes shut, waiting for the onslaught to hit. I thrust it back into his hands as my nose and throat go numb and my gums start to tingle.

  In mere seconds, the effects of the coke are coursing through my veins. I’ve been forced to do this shit once or twice in the past, but his is a hell of a lot stronger than anything I’ve snorted before. As my heartbeat speeds up, the music gets louder and Vega holds his arm straight up in the air, emitting a single snap from his fingertips. A hot little brunette comes slithering over. She takes my wide-legged stance in the chair as an invitation to start grinding against my cock.

  I know it’s wrong, but, damn, it feels good. I close my eyes, the thumping beats of Got It pulsing through my body, causing the walls of the tiny room to close in further. Hands are raking up and down my chest and arms, lips are on my neck, and I can’t hold back the groan that escapes. I open my eyes and take in the girl. She’s not so hot, more like a hot mess up close… heavy make-up is hiding deep acne scars, fresh track marks are on her arms, and she’s topped off with cheap perfume and gaudy body glitter. Despite the high I’m riding, I know this is all kinds of wrong. I shouldn’t be here. I should be home with Eleanor.

  Eleanor.

  Bile rises in my throat. I want this girl off of me. My hands are pushing at her, but she doesn’t get it. She’s grinding at my lap, pawing at me, putting her filthy mouth on me. I remind myself what I stand to lose if I push her off and make a scene. I mash my jaw tight and close my eyes, waiting for the song to end. Finally, she’s off my lap and moving on to the next victim when the song fades into the next.

  “Good shit, yeah?” Vega asks from behind the writhing bodies of two girls.